


The Only One Who Knows

by watchcatewrite



Series: Pretty Sounds [2]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Internalized Homophobia, References to anxiety, Vessel Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-09
Updated: 2020-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23076409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watchcatewrite/pseuds/watchcatewrite
Summary: It’s always the same fight.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Series: Pretty Sounds [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1658485
Kudos: 11





	The Only One Who Knows

It’s always the same fight.

Sometimes the words are different, or in a different order. Sometimes Jos is the one who yells, sometimes it’s Tyler, and sometimes nobody yells. Sometimes it’s so quiet that Tyler feels like everyone in a mile radius can hear how loud her heart is beating. But no matter what, when it comes down to it, it’s always the same fight. And one of them always ends up hurt.

This time it starts with a boy. He’s a seemingly nice enough boy—he doesn’t crowd Tyler’s space, doesn’t immediately try to push a drink into her hands, and even has nice things to say about the show that have nothing to do with her or Jos’ appearance. Tyler’s in the process of politely refusing a drink (for the second time), pink just beginning to flush her cheeks, when Jos is suddenly at her elbow. The older girl seems content to just stand there at first, but doesn’t stay silent for long.

“She said no dude, take the hint.”

“Jos.” The word is sharp on her tongue, and Tyler’s eyes are pleading. The last thing she wants is to cause a scene.

“Okay, jeez. What are you her body guard?”

“No, I’m her—“

“Jos!” This time it’s loud enough that the whole venue seems to turn to look at them, and Tyler steps between the two of them, forcing Jos to meet her eyes as the blush across her cheeks turns a bright red. “Stop it. Go cool off, I’m fine.”

Tyler watches until her curls disappear back stage, until the rest of the eyes seem to leave the two of them, still standing near the bar. She makes a quick apology, not for saying no, but for her bandmate getting up in his face, and excuses herself. Tyler catches sight of Mark, his eyebrows raised in a silent question, and Tyler shakes her head. She finds Jos on the couch in the greenroom, fuming. Apparently this time they both get to yell.

“What are you thinking?” Jos’ eyes are dark where she looks up at her from the couch.

“I was thinking some creep was hitting on my girlfriend.”

“He wasn’t a creep! He was just some dude who wanted to buy me a drink and I told him no. I had it handled, you didn’t need to come swooping in and ‘rescue me.’ I don’t need to be rescued, Jos.”

The other girl stands up abruptly. “I know that, I just—“

“And you yelling at some stranger that you’re my girlfriend is _not_ how I want to come out.”

“I know that, Tyler.”

“Then stop! You yelling at some guy, or getting in a fight, and getting us banned from this venue is not helping anyone. Least of all you and me.”

“If you’d just tell them—“ Tyler’s face tightens, and Jos takes note. “Because that’s such a crazy idea, right?”

“I’m not having this fight again, Jos. Stop pushing me.”

“I’m not pushing, I’m just asking—“

“You’re not _asking_ me anything! And you’re not listening to me either. I’m not. Ready.” Tyler can feel frustrated tears prickling at the corners of her eyes, but she refuses to let them fall.

“I’m sure they’d be fine with it if you just—“

“You don’t know that!” Tyler’s full-on yelling now, and while a part of her knows this is the wrong place for this, she can’t seem to stop herself. “You don’t know what they would say. You don’t. So stop telling me it would be fine, stop pushing me to tell people. I’m not ready, and if you have a problem with that—“

This time it’s Jos’ turn to interrupt, red in the face. “I’m tired of being your shameful secret, Tyler! It’s been months, and I’m tired of having to second guess everything I do because _someone_ might see. I’m tired of being able to kiss you, and touch you, when it’s us alone, or with the boys, and then when we’re in public it’s like we’re strangers. I hate it. I feel like I’m back in the van, reaching out for you in the dark and feeling sick to my stomach, because I shouldn’t feel that way. Because I shouldn’t want my friend like that. Every time I feel like it’s okay, like there’s nothing wrong with me, I—“

Tyler watches the tears start to slide down Jos’ cheeks, and all at once her anger is gone. Her whole body seems to deflate, as Jos’ hands come up to hide her face, and Tyler reaches for them, pulling them away until she can see those endless brown eyes. “Hey, hey, I’m sorry. Jos, I’m sorry.”

The older girl’s arms slide around Tyler’s neck, until she can bury her face there, crying quietly. Tyler takes large fistfuls of her t-shirt, pulling her in as close as she can. There was a part of her that had thought this would all get easier. That figuring out who she was, and how she felt, was the hardest thing she’d have to go through. But even now, with Jos in her arms, her lips pressed against her curls, they were still hurting, even though Tyler wanted nothing more than to protect the other girl.

By the time they’re lying in bed that night, Jos’ arm across Tyler’s stomach and her head on her shoulder, things are quiet. Tyler’s pressed so many apologies into Jos’ skin that the words feel imprinted on her lips, but still it doesn’t feel like enough. She wants to explain, wants Jos to know, without a shadow of a doubt, how much she loves her, but her words won’t collect in her head. They swirl around, never stopping long enough to form sentences, and Tyler squeezes her eyes shut trying to slow them down. Jos’ breathing is evening out, sleep so close, and Tyler knows if she doesn’t say something they’ll just keep having the same fight.

“I’m not ashamed, I’m scared.” The other girl doesn’t stir, and Tyler worries she’s already too late. “Jos?”

“Mhmm?” Tyler feels Jos tilt her head, knows she’s looking at her now, but Tyler keeps her eyes trained on the ceiling.

“I’m scared. I’m scared my family will never speak to me again. And I know I have you, and the guys, but to not have them? It would break me Jos. I love them, so much, and to think that they might not love me… it’s too scary to think about.”

“I know.” Jos whispers, her arm tightening across Tyler’s body.

“This is ours, only ours, and I’m scared if we start telling people then it won’t be any more. It’ll be our fans’, and the label’s, and everyone we haven’t met yet, who’s already deciding who we are. What if they think it’s too risky to sign us? What if they take away everything we’ve worked so hard for?” She turns to look at her now, knowing the tears are going to fall regardless. “What if they slap a label on us and make us into something we’re not?”

“Ty.” Jos’ hand comes up to cup her cheek, but Tyler misses the comforting pressure across her stomach, keeping everything contained. “Hey, it’s okay, take a breath.”

Tyler obeys, taking a slow, shaky breath in through her nose and letting it out through her pursed lips. She feels Jos’ hand rise and fall against her cheek, keeping her close, keeping her grounded. It feels like there’s a weight in the middle of her chest, every fearful thought consolidated until it’s as heavy as stone. Things are supposed to be better, she has everything she’s ever wanted, even things she didn’t _know_ she wanted, and still. She can’t make her mind quiet.

“We don’t have to tell anyone if you don’t want to.” Jos’ words are so quiet, and they almost break her. “You’re right, this is ours, and we don’t have to share it with anyone if we don’t want to I just… I just want to know that you’re mine. That you’re mine, and I’m yours, and we—that we—“

Tyler knows what she wants to say, and it’s the one thing that doesn’t scare her. “I love you Jos, so fucking much.”

Jos can’t help chuckling wetly at the qualifier, before she brings her face up to Tyler’s, pressing her lips against hers. “I love you too.”


End file.
